Till Death or Startup do us part
The Best Valentines gift of all
I parked the car in front of my house. “It’s so dark outside” I thought to myself looking at the clock — way past midnight. I had a good evening at some investor’s party. I really felt like I had it together and they really liked my product.
Before going into the house, I decided to look one more time at my email and the news.
My eyes landed on an article that reported some company was developing exactly the same solution I was working on and seem to be way ahead. My heart skipped a few beats. I loved my idea. Most of the people I confided in also loved where I was taking my company, Stiya. Things were looking good… well most of the time… and now this!
I entered my house quietly figuring I’ll go to sleep and download their app in the morning to see if it’s real competition. I felt like the world was spinning but eventually managed to fall asleep.
In the morning, I barely opened my eyes and before saying hi to anyone, I grabbed my phone. Emails started coming in from people who also spotted the same article. I felt like my world was shattering. All I could think about is how fast can I disappear from my husband and kids and check what’s going on. I wasn’t very nice — I am pretty sure of that.
I disappeared and got right to business. The solution proved to be not a direct competition so I was relived.
After a few hours a text came. “Happy Birthday”.
Weird I thought to myself. What is this all about? What date is it? Whose birthday?
HOLY CRAP!!!
I just missed my husband’s birthday and my friends remembered it!
What a horrible workaholic I’ve become!
Where are the days I’d prepare a trip for his birthday, an evening date, party or some other amazing gift?
Not even telling him Happy Birthday?!?
Wow, I deserve a prize for that one!
Beyond the humiliation and embarrassment, this was mainly a wake up call. I realized what a person and wife I became and I needed to act fast and shift my priorities.
Startups are hard and demanding. You are thinking of 100 things at any given moment and there is barely room for others — but if you want happiness you need to squeeze in just a few more.
Here are the rules I made for myself after that wake up call. I am still fighting them myself but I am really trying.
This is my gift to my husband this Valentines Day and hopefully a gift to all of you reading this.
1. Get your phone away from your bedside
Take some time and be with your partner morning. Even a few moments of good morning can go a long way.
Your partner should be the first one to get your attention — not your social media friends.
2. Forced downtime
Startups can take 20 hours a day from you. If you could buy a few more hours in the day — you’d pay a lot. I know. But once in a while, take the evening off. Get a sitter if needed and find a nice restaurant, go catch a movie or just grab wine and chill together in the house.
Make sure to really ask how they are doing.
I always ask but used to listen for few minutes and jump in with the new startup dilemma I had. After all — I am battling with so many decisions each day — and I’d love advice from the person I love the most.
Avoid it.
Some evenings just don’t talk about your startup — for both of you.
3. Don’t forget your sex life
You’re busy. Working hard at night way after everyone else in the house has gone to bed. When you are not working, all you want is to sleep.
Makes sense, but sex is an important part of any relationship. It needs its own space — you can’t enjoy sex when you are thinking of features, investment and people that didn’t like your idea.
Make space, time and energy. If you need, take a bit of time and chill to get your mind off of work and really be intimate with your relationship.
Check out a great blog about this from an amazing friend: downtothere.com.
4. Small things go a long way
Its easy to lean on your partner to do much of the house, kids and chores. Don’t let them get burned out and ask them to do it all alone. They need time for themselves as well. Figure out how you can contribute. Little things go a long way.
5. Communication communication communication
The more your partner understands what’s going on with you, the better they can support you. Involve them. Talk about your goal, fears and progress. Don’t hide things that are not going well. Set expectations and agree on the much needed compromises. You will, for example, travel less as a family, invite friends over less, or whatever these compromises may be. If you discuss these point, you are both set for a brighter future.
Well… there is one more thing — put any important dates clearly on your calendar. Even things you knew for sure you’ll never forget — when working hard on a startup you can certainly forget.
Sometimes, I have absolutely no clue what day it is — I am so focused on other things.
Do yourself and your loved one a favor and never miss an important event.
So what are you doing this Valentines Day to make it memorable?
P.S1 If you enjoyed this article, please do click on the heart below and recommend it to others
P.S2 Download Stiya today and take it with you this Valentines so your memories stay right in your pocket and you can relive the days.
